I don’t make a habit of complicating the chain of command.

Fic: All in a Day's Work- part 2

2008-07-26T03:52:04Z

All in a Day's Work- part 2

Bruised

“Anyone remember what planet we’re on?”

Irien looked over her shoulder at Kaidan and Garrus sitting behind her in the cramped quarters of the Mako. Garrus looked positively clueless – she was proud, as she realized this, that she’d been improving her skills at reading the body language of other races – and Kaidan looked so baffled by the question that she had to laugh.

He flushed in embarrassment, but grinned at her. “Commander, you’re the one who’s had us check out every chunk of rock in the galaxy,” he said with mock accusation in his tone. “How am I supposed to keep track of them all?”

“You’re the one who is supposedly good with maps and stuff,” she replied with a grin, looking skeptical.

“And yet you always drive!”

“Well, obviously with my superior reflexes-” she began, but she paused for a moment when she saw the look of surprise and some fear on Kaidan’s face.

“Brakes, Commander, brakes!!” he shouted.

As he said this, she realized that she’d had her foot on the accelerator while they’d been talking. She turned back to look out the front window just in time to see the world shift suddenly as she drove right off the edge of a cliff.

Oh shit, this is gonna hurt, Shepard thought with a mental sigh. Though she did her best to slow their fall with the thrusters on the bottom of the vehicle, there was only so much she could do, and the three of them held on tightly, trying to brace themselves against the sudden bounces and drops. She didn’t do a good enough job to make the fall less jarring, and her knee was slammed painfully against the metal front of the interior after one particularly harsh bounce.

They finally came to a stop at the bottom of the hill, right-side up fortunately, and all sat there in silence for a moment, all trying to calm themselves down. Irien looked back at Garrus and Kaidan. “You two all right?” she asked, slightly breathless. They both nodded wordlessly, and she nodded in reply. “Oh good. ‘Cause, I think I banged my knee up.” She reached down to poke at it through her armor and winced.

Kaidan squirmed up through the cramped quarters to get next to her. “You okay?” he asked, looking up at her in concern.

She nodded and grinned ruefully. “Not the worst injury I’ve ever had. I’ll live,” she grinned. “It might even teach me a lesson about watching where I drive.”

He reached over to pat her on the arm comfortingly. “Commander?”

“Yes, Lieutenant?”

He looked at her, his face completely serious. “How about I drive next time?”

They locked eyes for a few moments, completely silent, until Irien couldn’t contain her giggles anymore, and the two of them dissolved into helpless fits of laughter.

***

Broken

Shepard leaped out of the way of yet another rocket launched by Saren – or what was left of him after Sovereign had activated his implants. He’s awfully spry for a turian skeleton, she thought as she took careful aim and fired another few assault rifle rounds at him. He wasn’t looking so good anymore. Not that he looked so good to begin with, what with him being dead and all.

“Lift incoming, Shepard!” Kaidan shouted, and the Saren-zombie went flying slowly through the air, allowing her to fire uninterrupted without worrying about rockets coming her way.

Those bullets were the straw that broke the camel’s back – a horrible scream ripped through the air. Nothing living could make that sound, she thought grimly. Saren collapsed onto the ground and burned up in an unnatural red fire, leaving not even ashes behind.

Joker’s voice came through her comm. – he’d included her in his transmissions to the Arcturus fleet currently assaulting Sovereign. “Its shields are down! Now’s our chance!”

Liara and Kaidan approached her where she stood looking out the large windows of the tower, outside of which Sovereign was slowly falling over and glowing with uncontrolled red lightning. She turned to smile briefly at them. “Good work, guys,” she said with sincerity. It’s almost over, just let the fleet take Sovereign down... she thought, concerned but hopeful.

“Hit it with everything we’ve got!” Admiral Hackett commanded, and the sky outside the window lit up with the explosions as the ships launched their remaining missiles at the Reaper.

She caught sight of the Normandy, which flew high above the rest of the group then executed a perfect turn to angle back downwards. “Hard on my flank! We’re going in!” Joker called out. As he flew straight down, a missile scored a direct hit on Sovereign, causing a huge explosion through its middle before the entire body of the ship blew up.

Her lips slowly widened in a smile, and she felt as if a great weight had been lifted off her shoulders. We won. It’s over. She started to turn around to leave, but out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a piece of the Reaper floating directly towards the tower. Though it was small compared to the other pieces, it was heading right for them – and would crush them all if they didn’t get out soon. She turned around to Kaidan and Liara, not bothering to hide the panic in her voice. “Go!” she shouted.

She didn’t know whether they saw the thing coming or not, but they both trusted her and instantly obeyed her order, turning to run as quickly as they could toward the stairs.

The piece of Sovereign hit the tower with a huge crash, ripping up the floor and making parts of the ceiling collapse on top of them. A large chunk of floor being torn up threw Shepard forward suddenly. She stretched out her arms to brace her fall when a good-sized part of the ceiling landed on top of her, crushing her left arm beneath it with a sickening crack and knocking her head into the floor.

She screamed in pain and shock and almost blacked out for a moment, but fought to stay conscious. She struggled with the chunk of rock, pushing it off of her with a grunt of effort. I’ve gotta find a place to avoid anything else falling on me, she thought, cradling her left arm, which she suspected was broken even through her tough armor. She crawled toward a leaning piece of the building a few feet away that seemed to be braced pretty well on another part, collapsing under it and panting with the effort it had taken to move.

She wasn’t sure how long she lay there. It seemed like forever, with the sharp pain in her arm making her conscious of every second that went by, but how long her “seconds” really were was a mystery, as time didn’t seem to be moving along at quite the same speed as normal. Her head was spinning from the knock she’d received. Being concussed doesn’t help with keeping track of time, she thought dryly.

Irien wondered what had happened to the others. She’d been able to protect herself – well, mostly – but had they made it to safety? Would the last thing she said to Kaidan be a command to run? And what if she didn’t make it out – and, she thought, this was quite possible. Would his memories of her be of a woman who only gave into her feelings for him when she thought she might die a few hours later? Would he think back on their missions together and remember all the people she’d shot and killed in front of him?

I want us to share more than violence and death, she thought, almost desperately. I never told him anything – I just kept all my secrets while he told me his whole life story. I want to tell him about growing up on starships, about going to military schools, about all the trouble I got in when I was younger. I never told him about my training, my teachers, my friends. She shook her head and felt tears welling up in her eyes. He even tried to get me to open up to him – he asked me about the Blitz, and I didn’t tell him a damn thing. He’ll just remember me as some dumb soldier who knew her number was up sooner rather than later and kept all her secrets to herself.

Her world narrowed to the rock that had protected her as thoughts of her past and of Kaidan raced through her mind. She wished he was there so she could tell him everything she was thinking, like she’d so failed to do before. It almost felt like she was drifting off to sleep – her world was so unclear, and every sound she thought she heard could have been real or a dream, she had no idea. At one point, she could have sworn that Kaidan walked up and offered his hand to her, but when she reached out to take it, her shoulder screaming at her in pain, she grabbed onto nothing, and whimpered slightly when she realized he was just a vision.

Eventually, she began to hear a sound consistently, not the sporadic voices in her mind of her friends coming to help her or Kaidan telling her to get off her ass and find him, not the echo of people in her memories, not her own mental voice chiding her for all the things she failed to do. The sound was louder, too, than the crackling of the flames burning the once-beautiful trees around the tower. Are those... voices? she wondered, struggling to sit up a little.

“Captain Anderson!” she heard a male voice call out, sounding excited. “We’ve found them! They’re in here.” Was there really someone there, or was it just a dream of rescue? There was a scraping sound of rock on rock then a loud thud – her concussion-dreams weren’t that vivid, as real as they seemed. Had they found Kaidan and Liara? Let them be all right, she thought desperately. Please don’t let them be hurt too badly.

“Take it easy. It’s over,” she heard a voice say faintly, echoing her thoughts from earlier. He sounds so familiar, she thought, but her thoughts seemed to be moving so slowly and she couldn’t place it. “You’re safe now.” It clicked. Captain Anderson – it’s Captain Anderson, and he’s coming personally to rescue us. She almost started crying again in relief. “Where’s the commander? Where’s Shepard?” she heard him ask.

There was no response that she heard – the two of them must have gotten further than she had, and hadn’t seen the ceiling hit her. She pushed herself to her feet with her good arm, nearly falling over in the attempt, and she started making her way toward where she thought the voices had come from. She stumbled a few times on the way, nearly falling, but she managed to keep her feet while cradling her broken arm to her chest. She clambered over pieces of building and Reaper, limping heavily.

Her movement made noise, which, she saw as she climbed a bigger piece, had gotten the attention of the rescue crew – someone from C-Sec was helping Liara stand up, while Kaidan was leaning heavily on Captain Anderson’s arm. They all turned at the sound of her footsteps, and the looks on their faces were so joyful that, even through all the pain she was feeling, she couldn’t help but smile. Just moments before, she had felt like she had no energy left, but seeing her friends alive and relatively unharmed gave her the strength to stumble up to them. A C-Sec worker approached and offered her his arm, but she waved him away and shook her head.

“Miss me?” Irien asked with a grin, her voice wavering a bit, and Captain Anderson laughed.

“You sure know how to make an entrance,” he told her, shaking his head in disbelief as she stopped next to him. She was unsteady on her feet, but she looked over at Kaidan, who hadn’t spoken to her yet, and he stepped closer to her and held out his arms to help her stand. She reached out with her good arm to give him a hug, but decided standing on her own was far too difficult and collapsed happily against him.

She looked up at him and smiled, unsure what to say, but he solved her speechlessness by leaning own to kiss her passionately. Surprised, but pleased, she returned the kiss, and heard Captain Anderson’s good-natured chuckles. She pulled away regretfully but with a smile.

“Don’t you ever,” Kaidan said forcefully, looking into her eyes, “scare me like that again.” He shook his head. “I thought I lost you,” he murmured.

She shook her head and reached up to touch his cheek gently. “You’ll never lose me,” she told him, and as he wrapped his arms around her for a hug, she leaned against his chest and closed her eyes, smiling and feeling like the luckiest person in the universe.

***

Not sprained

Shepard woke up shivering. Though she was groggily puzzled by this fact for a moment, she realized that the cause wasn’t a fever from an illness or fear from nightmares – it was simply that she was no longer covered with blankets. She sat up a little, rubbing her arms with her hands to warm up, and glanced at the clock on her table. 0200 hours. She had been dozing – among other things – on her bed since early evening. But, she thought with a smile, because a certain troublesome boyfriend of hers liked to stretch out and, apparently, steal all her covers, she had woken up freezing. She chuckled quietly to herself, unable to be angry even though he inadvertently woke her up, and rolled onto her right side, feeling completely and utterly relaxed.

Boyfriend, she thought with a smile as she looked at him. I can definitely get used to calling him my boyfriend. She felt like a giddy teenager who’d just been asked out on her first date – something she didn’t really get to experience as a teen, as she didn’t date much back then. She’d had relationships since then – she was 29 after all – but none of them had been very serious or lasted long, and none of her boyfriends had even come close to Kaidan. I can’t remember the last time I was this happy.

He looked perfectly content, she thought – his face, handsome as ever, had a hint of a smile, and she saw none of the worry lines that were usually present. She hated to wake him, but it would be impossible for her to get back to sleep, chilly as she was. She sat up fully and, without using her still-broken arm, attempted to slowly pull some blankets out from where he clutched them possessively to his chest.

Kaidan wasn’t a terribly heavy sleeper, and Shepard noticed his eyes fluttering as the movement disturbed him, waking him up. His eyelids slowly rose, and brown eyes met green as he smiled at her. He sat up a little, letting go of the blankets, and grinned, embarrassed, as he realized what she was doing.

“You’re a cover thief,” she told him matter-of-factly.

He attempted to look innocent, then flushed slightly. “I didn’t know,” he told her. “It’s been... a while since I shared a bed with anybody.”

She scooted over a bit and lay down next to him, resting her head on his shoulder as he put his arm around her to pull her closer. “I’ll find some way to forgive you,” she said, her voice slightly muffled against his chest.

Kaidan chuckled, then shook his head as he gently touched her arm, which was still immobilized by a brace to facilitate quicker healing. “I’m sorry about this,” he told her, sounding a little sad as he looked at it. “I can’t believe I just ran off and left you behind when Sovereign hit the tower, I didn’t mean-”

“Shh,” she said, leaning up on her good elbow and touching his cheek gently. “I told you to run, didn’t I?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

He shook his head. “I just- I know you don’t need me to, and I feel bad thinking it, but I still wish I could do more to protect you,” he said, meeting her eyes.

Oh Kaidan, she thought. What did I ever do to deserve you? “Kaidan, sweetheart,” she said, “I’m going to be hurting myself no matter what you do. Look!” She sat up and showed him her back, craning her head around and poking at her left shoulderblade enthusiastically. “Remember when I got shot here? You yelled for me to turn but I wasn’t quick enough. That was completely my fault. And then you helped me put medi-gel on to heal it.” He raised an eyebrow at her, so she continued. “And this-” She pulled her leg up, poking at the kneecap. “We were talking in the Mako and I drove us off a cliff. You even tried to warn me, but nope, I’m that bad of a driver.”

“But I got you pulled into the beacon on Eden Prime,” he told her pointedly.

“I’m glad you did,” she countered. “I wouldn’t have wanted you to deal with the headaches that thing caused along with the migraines from your implant.”

This seemed to give him pause, and she thought he would admit defeat, but he reached up to gently touch the scar on her eyebrow. “I asked you about this once,” he said quietly. “Elysium, you said. The Blitz.”

“I was rude,” Irien apologized, though it seemed to her that the hunt for Saren had gone on forever, and she barely remembered a time when she wasn’t in love with Kaidan. “It’s... I don’t really think about it very often. It’s not quite the perfect rescue of the colony everyone makes it out to be,” she said. She shook her head. “I used to blame myself, you know? I hated thinking about it because even though everyone praised me and gave me medals for it, I couldn’t help remembering the people I wasn’t able to save.”

He sat up and leaned forward to gently kiss the scar on her eyebrow. “We’ve all got scars,” he said as she leaned against him. “We’re all still healing.” Vyrnnus, she thought, and Rahna. She wondered if he would ever really forgive himself for what happened with his old teacher and the girl he used to love. “I just hope we can protect each other from getting any more of them.”

She kissed him. “You’re protecting me plenty,” she told him honestly, then smiled. “After all, you have managed to save me from one injury.”

Kaidan tilted his head slightly. “Oh yeah?” he asked curiously. “What’s that?”

She grinned wickedly. “I haven’t gotten any kind of sprain or anything. And considering what’s been going on, I count that as a miracle.”

He looked confused. “What are you- oh.” His face went bright red as he realized what she was talking about, and she laughed happily at her victory. “Oh, you think you’re funny, making me blush, hmm?” he asked, the color fading as he grinned at her. She nodded emphatically. “You are unbelievable, you know that?” he laughed. She tried to look innocent, but couldn’t keep a straight face as he pretended to scowl at her. He shook his head, then suddenly reached over to hug her tightly.

Pleasantly surprised by the affection, she hugged him back. “Not that I don’t enjoy these spontaneous hugs,” she said into the crook between his shoulder and neck, “but what was that for?”

“For bringing me on almost every mission,” he said, leaning to the right a bit to kiss her neck. She closed her eyes in happiness. “For putting up with me, even though I’m kind of a self-control freak sometimes,” he chuckled throatily, his kisses moving up her neck to her cheek. She was tempted for a moment to make a snarky comment – “Sometimes? More like all the time!” – but let it go for once. “For not getting offended that I want to protect you from everything bad in the galaxy,” he murmured, kissing along her jawbone. He leaned back and she opened her eyes to see him smiling at her. “For letting me into your life,” he said, gently touching her scar again.

She returned the smile. Her scars from Elysium had been something that kept them apart, she thought, just like his emotional ones from what had happened with Vyrnnus. They both had things from their past they thought would never heal.

She wanted to tell him how happy she was that he’d broken down those emotional walls around himself for her. She wished she could speak eloquently and cleverly like he always seemed to and tell him how he made her feel like a better person just by being around. We don’t need words, she thought. We understand each other. She leaned forward to kiss him without saying anything, and she could tell that he knew exactly what she was trying to tell him.

Fic: All in a Day's Work- part 1

2008-07-26T03:42:46Z

Title: All in a Day's Work, or Five injuries Shepard suffered through and one she didn't (Part 1)
Characters: Female Shepard, Kaidan, minor appearances by Garrus, Liara, Wrex, and Anderson
Pairing: Shenko
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance, Humor, Action
Summary: The development of Shepard and Kaidan's relationship shown through Shepard getting wounded. Oneshot; spoilers for entire game; Shenko.
Author's Notes: Haven't posted in a long time, but I'm really happy with how this one turned out. :) And apparently it was too long for one post, so here's part 2.

“All in a Day’s Work,” or “Five injuries Shepard suffered through and one she didn’t”

Cut

“Commander. Can I ask you something?”

Irien Shepard looked up from her food and into the face of Kaidan Alenko, currently sitting across the table from her. The Normandy was currently en route to Eden Prime on what was supposedly a shakedown run, and as there wasn’t much to do in the meantime, Shepard was hanging around the common areas trying to get to know the crew better. Kaidan had joined her a few minutes ago, and after a casual greeting, they’d both been silently eating until his question.

“Sure, Lieutenant,” she said with a shrug. “What’s up?”

He looked at her inquisitively for a moment before asking, “How’d you get those scars?” He motioned with one hand at his chin and right eyebrow. “I haven’t seen many people who have them anymore, since medi-gel is so common.” He paused a moment, looking unsure of himself, and when she didn’t immediately answer, he continued. “I don’t mean to pry; I just- I wanted to know a little more about you. Ma’am.”

The question surprised her – there weren’t many people who would ask her personal questions at all, much less shortly after meeting her. My reputation always seems to precede me, she thought dryly. Nobody wants to piss off the Hero of the goddamn Blitz.

The memories seemed to be flooding over her – things she’d much rather not remember were coming back to her like they’d just happened yesterday, rather than five years ago. Not that she could ever forget them; like her scars, the things that had happened that day would be with her forever, and as much as she wished both weren’t, they were a part of her – just a part that she’d rather pretend didn’t exist.

She shook her head slightly, as she realized she was being rude with her silence, and looked up to meet his eyes. He looked concerned, and embarrassed, like he thought he’d done something wrong. He didn’t know, she thought. He couldn’t know what happened.

“No, it’s- it’s fine,” she said. She knew without raising her own hand that there were two thin lines on her face, and said nothing for a moment as she considered what to tell him.

Blood was dripping into her eye again.

Rockets had been exploding all around her, and, as the battle began, Irien was cut by several pieces of shrapnel from buildings and vehicles that had been hit. She had no idea how long it had been since the attack started – time was meaningless when living moment to moment, trying to survive – but the wounds still hadn’t closed up. It either hadn’t been very long or they were deeper cuts than she thought they were.

As she leaned back against the rough stone wall currently giving her shelter, she felt it was a blessing that the worst she’d suffered so far were two small gashes on her face.

Unlike many of Elysium’s colonists, she was still moving, fighting... and breathing. Though she’d done what she could to organize them, and they were doing well holding their position so far, seeing so many civilians killed meaninglessly was something she knew she would never be able to forget.

She wiped the blood away with the back of a hand, wincing a little at the sting in her eye, then gripped her assault rifle tightly with both hands and leaned around the corner, firing at a foolish batarian who’d left cover in an attempt to get closer to the gateway she was defending. She couldn’t hear his scream as he collapsed to the ground – the colonists, now armed and divided into groups to defend each entrance to the city, including the settlement’s main gate nearby, were loud enough with their shouts and gunfire to block out everything else.

Their screams, however, were audible, and as she heard another colonist fall, she wondered if Alliance reinforcements would ever come.

A quiet throat-clearing brought Irien back to the present, and she shook her head, wishing she could forget what had happened. But, as she touched her eyebrow scar gently, she knew that memory, like the scar, was something that would be with her forever.

“Elysium,” she finally told him. “During the Blitz.”

He blinked in surprise, opened his mouth as if to ask a follow up question, then thought better of it and snapped it shut. Shepard wondered if she should say something, anything else to make the situation less awkward and make him feel better, but she had no idea what to tell him. There was a moment more of silence before he simply said, “Oh.”

She thought that was the end of it, but he continued. “I, uh- thought that would be a better conversation starter,” he said sheepishly.

Irien was surprised at his bluntness for a moment, and couldn’t help herself from gaping in surprise, then grinned at him. “Old injuries usually aren’t the best way to start casual chatting,” she pointed out.

He flushed and ran a hand through his hair in embarrassment. “Honestly, I figured it was a childhood accident or something. Back before medi-gel was so common. Didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.”

“No, it’s all right,” she said, and was surprised at the fact that she meant it. “I just don’t talk about it much. Maybe I can tell you the whole story sometime, when we have more time.”

Kaidan smiled, and nodded shyly. “I’d like that,” he replied.

So would I, she thought.

***

Knocked unconscious

“Finally,” Shepard muttered as she and her team destroyed the last geth in the area. “Something is going right.”

The whole mission had been a disaster. The colony was devastated, geth had shown up, and the Spectre Nihlus who was supposed to be evaluating her had been killed – murdered by another Spectre, if that dock worker was to be believed.

At least the beacon is safe, she thought, feeling a surge of relief rush through her. It’s good to know this wasn’t a complete failure. Alenko and Williams approached it warily as she contacted Joker.

“Normandy, the beacon is secure,” she said into her suit comm. system. “Request immediate evac.”

“Request acknowledged, Shepard,” Joker replied. “Contacting Captain Anderson now, hold on a sec.” She waited patiently for a response while Ashley and Kaidan examined the beacon more closely.

“This is amazing!” Kaidan exclaimed. Shepard half-smiled. He sounds like a kid given his pick of a toy store. “Actual working Prothean technology. Unbelievable!”

Ashley sounded impressed – and surprised. “It wasn’t doing anything like that when they dug it up.”

Joker finally got back to her. “On our way, Shepard. ETA five minutes.”

“Something must have activated it,” she heard Kaidan say.

“Roger, Normandy,” she replied. “Standing by.”

She turned back to her two squad members so she could get a closer look at the beacon, and Ashley walked up next to her with a smile. Kaidan, however, was still walking closer to the device. If he breaks it when we found it was actually still intact... She left that mental threat unthought, and just as she opened her mouth to tell him not to touch the damn thing, she noticed that something seemed to be wrong.

Kaidan stumbled a little, then was suddenly pulled toward the beacon. She didn’t have time to try to figure out what was going on – she shouldered past Ashley and ran toward him, leaping forward to grab the fellow marine around the middle and throw him to one side and hopefully out of danger.

Unfortunately, the beacon then started to target her instead.

A roar filled her ears and she tried to use her hands to block the sound before realizing it was all in her head, and she was pulled toward the thing even as she tried to get away from it. All other thoughts were pushed out of her mind as images of races she’d never seen, places she’d never been, flashed before her eyes. She halfway realized she was no longer standing on the ground and only barely heard Kaidan shout for her over the roaring and screaming that filled her ears.

The images came so quickly and the noise got so loud she felt her head would explode from all the pressure they caused. It finally reached a breaking point, throwing her backwards as her world went blessedly black.

Shepard came to slowly, blinking her eyes to try to clear her blurred vision. She seemed to be in the Normandy’s medbay, though how she’d gotten there or what exactly had happened was anyone’s guess, as she had no clue. Sitting up was difficult – the world seemed to be spinning as she moved, but she struggled through it. I have to tell Captain Anderson what happened, she thought groggily as she put her head in her hands. If I can remember it, that is.

“Doctor? Doctor Chakwas?” she heard a male voice say. Kaidan, her brain supplied. I’m glad he’s okay. “I think she’s waking up.” He must have gotten me back here after – the beacon, that’s what it was. We found it, and... I know something happened; why can’t I remember?

She looked up to see the doctor approaching, and she seemed pleased to see her awake. Kaidan stood off to the side, looking slightly awkward, his arms folded across his chest. “You had us worried there, Shepard,” Chakwas said, stepping towards her. “How are you feeling?”

Irien tried not to groan as the world started spinning again, and she shut her eyes for a moment. “Like the morning after shore leave,” she said grumpily, then relented. No need to be bitchy; it’s not their fault you got yourself knocked unconscious, she scolded herself. “How long was I out?”

“About fifteen hours,” the doctor replied. That long... What the hell happened to me? she wondered. “Something happened down there with the beacon, I think.”

Kaidan interjected. “It’s my fault,” he told her guiltily. “I must have triggered some kind of security field when I approached it. You had to push me out of the way.” The memory came back to her more clearly now – he had gotten too close, and something strange had happened, making her leap in to throw him to safety. She shut her eyes again – the light was making her headache even worse. While her first instinct was to lecture him about getting too close to strange alien devices, the look on his face convinced her to do otherwise. He didn’t know any better, she thought, feeling bad for him. And I’m sure he’ll be more careful from now on.

“You had no way to know what would happen,” she said, hoping to make him feel better, and he smiled at her in a silent thanks.

“Actually,” Chakwas corrected them both, “we don’t even know if that’s what set it off. Unfortunately, we’ll never get the chance to find out.”

Kaidan shook his head regretfully and stepped closer. “The beacon exploded. A system overload maybe,” he shrugged. The tone in his voice was- guilty? He blames himself, she realized. “The blast knocked you cold. Williams and I had to carry you back here to the ship.”

She smiled at him. “I appreciate it,” Irien said honestly, and he smiled at her again.

“Physically, you’re fine,” she began. I don’t feel fine, Shepard thought, her stomach in knots and her world still slightly spinny. “But I detected some unusual brain activity; abnormal beta waves. I also noticed an increase in your rapid eye movement, signs typically associated with intense dreaming.”

What the hell was I dreaming? she wondered, shaking her head and looking down. No, they weren’t dreams. Nightmares. Visions maybe. “I saw-” She paused, trying to figure out what to tell them as she struggled to sort through the images she remembered. “I’m not sure what I saw. Death. Destruction. Nothing’s really clear.”

The doctor’s interest was piqued. “Hmm. I’d better add this to my report,” she said thoughtfully. Irien noticed Anderson coming in the door and walking toward them, and the look on his face betrayed his concern. “It may- Oh. Captain Anderson.”

“How’s our XO holding up, Doctor?” he asked as he approached. Kaidan saluted quickly.

“All the readings look normal. I’d say the commander’s going to be fine,” she replied casually.

“Glad to hear it,” he said. He seemed happy to hear the news, but something more serious was clearly weighing on his mind. Time for me to deal with what happened and figure out a plan, she thought. “Shepard, I need to speak with you – in private.”

Kaidan crisply saluted them both. “Aye, aye, Captain,” he said, then looked at Irien. “I’ll be in the mess if you need me.” He and the doctor both left the medbay, and she watched as he left. He’s certainly an interesting one, she thought, and wondered if she’d have the chance to get to know him – and understand his actions better – in the future.

***

Shot

“Commander, behind you!”

Though Kaidan had tried, his shout wasn’t early enough to allow Shepard to turn around in time. Her shields were down, and though she tried to take out the mercenary who’d snuck up on her as quickly as possible, he got several good hits on the back of her left shoulder with his assault rifle before Wrex flattened him with a powerful shotgun blast. She collapsed to her knees, shutting her eyes from the pain and putting her hands on the ground so she wouldn’t completely fall over.

“Shepard!” Kaidan called out in concern and rushed to her side.

Wrex didn’t seem concerned, and barely spared a glance at her. She half-smiled in amusement – that was so typically Wrex – but the shooting pain in her shoulder quickly grabbed her attention again. “Looks like the last of them,” the krogan said gruffly, but went to check the rest of the area to be sure.

She tried to crane her neck to look at the injury, and Kaidan made a noise of disapproval as he approached her. “You’re just going to make it worse,” he scolded, then remembered his manners. “Ma’am. Sorry.”

She snorted. “Ignore protocol for a couple minutes and help me get this armor off,” Irien said in her “commander” voice. She started to stand up, and he immediately reached out a hand to help her, which she gladly accepted. When she started undoing the clips on her armor, however, he hesitated for a moment, then did as she asked, helping her remove the top section carefully so he didn’t make the wound any worse. Their hands brushed a few times, but she was hurting too bad to pay much attention and was more concerned with getting some relief from the pain. She bit her lip a few times, trying not to cry out.

Finally her shoulder was freed from the armor, and though it still hurt, it didn’t feel as bad with nothing pressing against it. “It’s not too terrible, Commander,” Kaidan told her, his voice carefully neutral. “The bullets didn’t make it all the way through your armor, just enough to jab you pretty bad.”

“I’m glad it mostly did its job,” she said through teeth clenched from pain. “Got some medi-gel back there?”

“Putting it on now,” he replied. Her shoulder was pleasantly cool and numb just a moment later, telling her he’d applied it, and she felt the odd itching sensation that meant her wounds were closing up. I’ll never get used to that, she thought.

“All right,” he said quietly. “You look good to me.”

She moved her shoulder experimentally, testing for pain, but felt nothing. She caught his eyes and smiled. “Thank you,” she said.

He returned the smile with only a slight hesitation. “Anytime.”

Irien suddenly realized how odd of a situation this was – she had stripped off her armor without a second thought and was allowing a subordinate to put medi-gel on her bare skin. A subordinate you flirt with, she reminded herself with a slight grimace. I need to learn self-control sometime...

She glanced over at Kaidan, and he met her eyes for a moment. The situation was suddenly very awkward, as both seemed to have thought the same thing – that this wasn’t really an appropriate thing for a soldier to do for his superior officer, especially not when they’d been toeing the line about the fraternization rule lately. She had been feeling guilty about how often she made excuses to go talk to him while on the ship. However, at the moment, she didn’t much care.

He’s a good man, she thought decisively. I need to stop worrying so much and get to know him better.

He still seemed to care, however, and he cleared his throat awkwardly and looked away, reaching for part of her armor. I could take my self-control lessons from him, she thought dryly. “Here,” he offered, turning back toward her with the armor in hand.

She reached over to take it and touched his hand gently. He looked up in surprise, eyebrows raised, but she just kept her hand on his and smiled, almost shyly. They were frozen there for a few moments as her heart pounded – was he going to pretend nothing happened, blush and pull away, get upset at her?

But he surprised her by slowly returning the smile, then used his other hand to set the armor down and reached over to take her hand. His palms were rougher than she expected. Just because he has biotic powers doesn’t mean he doesn’t work with his hands, she thought with chagrin.

It felt so nice to just sit there holding Kaidan’s hand that she barely realized they were also just staring at each other until she heard a loud snort.

“You two planning on helping me empty out the rest of this base anytime soon?” Wrex asked, sounding more amused than he had a right to be. They both pulled their hands away quickly, and Shepard began pulling her armor on faster than she knew she could. “’Cause if you’re not, I can leave you two alone and go handle the real work. I mean, obviously you two have other things on your mind.” He laughed, Kaidan blushed, and Irien grinned to cover up her embarrassment.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up,” she told him, pulling out her assault rifle. “Let’s get this finished.” She glanced over at Kaidan once more, and they shared a quick smile before they all moved on.

***

after way too long... Fic: Oblivious

2008-03-23T23:11:16Z

So I kind of took forever to finish this - the semester was crazy busy and fun, and I quit playing Mass Effect for a while (damn you, Rock Band!). Fortunately (I hope?), I buckled down and completed it, so here it is. :)

Title: Oblivious
Characters: Female Shepard, Kaidan, Joker, Garrus, Liara; minor appearances by other party members
Pairing: Shenko, some Liara x FemShep, Garrus x Fem Shep, Joker x FemShep
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance, Angst
Summary: As the Normandy approaches Ilos, Liara, Garrus, and Joker muse about their feelings for Irien Shepard.
Author's Notes: This is somewhat of a continuation to my other fic "Gossip;" it uses the same themes but expands on it. It's been a while since I uploaded anything, but with "Bring Down the Sky" coming out, I decided it was past time to finish this one. I'm pretty proud of it, so I hope you all enjoy!

A strange silence had descended on the crew of the Normandy ever since their flight from the Citadel against the Council's orders. They were on their way to Ilos and it seemed to everyone that they were finally nearing their goal – here, they would stop Saren or die trying.

Kaidan Alenko stood by his control panel and tried to focus on making sure all the systems were working perfectly, but his mind wandered and he frequently found his thoughts centered on Irien Shepard and the kiss they’d nearly shared. He was torn between feeling elated and terrified – he felt like a teenager who’d gotten the prettiest girl in school to go to a dance with him, but he couldn’t help but think about what could happen on Ilos.

He’d never really gotten close to anyone since Rahna. He wasn’t the kind of person to totally commit to something; he always held back and made sure he had a way out. The way he felt about Irien, however, was different – she made him want to give everything he had and more for the chance to be with her.

He couldn’t stand the thought of losing her. What if something happened to her? What if they didn’t make it? She would never know how he felt, how grateful he was for everything she’d given him. He didn’t want to make a scene, so when he thought no one was looking, he'd left his post by the computer terminal and entered her private quarters.

No one having witnessed his leaving didn’t matter, unfortunately, as they could all see that he wasn't in his usual place and hadn't been for a while.

Liara was the first to notice. She'd decided to talk to Shepard about Ash's death, to see if there was anything she could do for her. Though she had realized the commander didn't share her feelings, she'd resolved to be a good friend to her.

When she saw that Kaidan wasn't working and that the commander's door was closed, she blinked in surprise. He was always there, and Shepard's door was always kept open when she was in her quarters – she liked to be easily accessible to the crew in case they needed anything. Her door being closed would mean she wanted privacy, and with Kaidan not at his post…

She felt a nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach as she added those two facts together, and she closed her eyes and bowed her head for a moment. I thought I was over this, she thought, and wished fervently for someone to talk to, someone who would understand what she was going through. Instantly, her mind went to Garrus – she’d seen the way he looked at Shepard. She immediately headed down the elevator.

The lower deck of the ship was strangely empty – Wrex was off on his own, probably still bitter about losing the genophage cure and his argument with Shepard about it, and Ash was- well, she doubted anyone would be able to use her old workbench for a long time without guilt and sadness about having to leave her behind. Garrus, however, was in his usual place by the Mako working on a computer panel.

Liara approached him and cleared her throat quietly to get his attention.

He looked up and seemed surprised, but pleased, to see her there. "Liara. How are you?" the turian asked politely, clearly curious as to what she wanted but not wanting to be rude and ask outright.

"I- I am fine, Garrus," she said, sounding unsure even to herself. "I just-" she paused, trying to figure out what to say. How do I tell him I suspect our Commander and Lieutenant are in bed together without being completely crass? she wondered.

He looked concerned. "Are you all right?" he asked.

"Oh, no, it's just that- I noticed that the lieutenant was not at his post," she said. He blinked, confused, and tilted his head to the side slightly. "And that Irien's door is closed," she finished lamely.

Liara could see an instant of pain in his eyes, and she regretted telling him immediately. "I see," he replied, his tone carefully neutral. "But why tell me?"

"I thought- I thought you would understand how I feel," she said, almost desperately, and they locked eyes for a few seconds before he nodded once.

He motioned to a few crates on the ground next to the Mako. "Have a seat," he offered. "Give me a moment." He walked over to his pack as she sat and he pulled out a fine crystal bottle filled with a clear liquid, along with two dented, cheap metal cups.

Garrus sat down next to her, offering a cup, which she gladly took, and he filled it with the liquid. "Turian alcohol," he said as an explanation while he poured. "Picked some up on one of those countless trips to the Citadel to save for- I believe the human expression is 'a rainy day,'" he said. She smiled her thanks. He poured himself a cup full as well before setting the bottle down next to him and sighing quietly. "I guess they're just- thinking it'll be their last chance to, uh, get to know each other," he said glumly as she sipped the alcohol.

Liara nodded, looking down into the cup as she swirled the liquid around. "I- I told myself I was happy for her," she confessed. "But it's hard to be when I constantly find myself wishing she'd made a different choice."

"You guys mind if I join you?" Joker asked over the comm system suddenly. They both jumped and laughed nervously once they realized who it was.

"Feel free," Garrus replied.

"Does he always listen in on conversations?" Liara asked in a whisper.

"Usually, but only to control the spread of gossip," he replied just as quietly. "He's pretty good at hiding things."

She nodded, agreeing completely. Though she and the pilot weren't close and he tended to act so... human, she supposed, she'd never have guessed that he, too, had hidden away his feelings for Shepard. I guess everyone has the right to keep secrets, she thought.

The two of them sat quietly, sipping their drinks and lost in thought, as they politely waited for the pilot to join them. Liara couldn’t help but think about Shepard and Alenko, though it always made her heart ache and her muscles tense to think of the woman she cared for loving someone else.

The elevator creaked and opened to reveal Joker, who relied heavily on two crutches and whose legs were held staright by braces. Garrus stood to pull up a chair near them for him to sit in.

Liara felt a surge of pity for the usually sarcastic pilot once she saw him, but managed to keep her face neutral and tried to suppress the feeling. People underestimate him because of a disease, something he can't control but does not affect his skill at flying, she thought, feeling a sense of camaraderie with him as he sat down. Other asari think less of me because I am pure asari. I should not be so quick to judge in the future.

Joker soon had his own cup of alcohol – a human kind, since the turian kind wasn't safe for him – and the three of them sat in a slightly awkward silence. They all knew what was on the others' minds, but no one knew quite what to say.

Garrus broke the silence. "There is an elephant in the room," he proclaimed, then looked at Joker for confirmation. "Is that the expression?" he asked curiously.

Liara was baffled, but the human seemed to understand as he nodded and chuckled. "Yeah, that's it," he replied, then shook his head, took off his hat, and ran a hand through his hair. "So. When did you two know?"

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"When did you know you loved her," he replied, speaking more quietly and putting his hat back on. He looked at Liara first. "You weren't on the ship long before rumors started flying," he said dryly, and she blushed. "It must have been pretty quick, yeah?"

"I- I admit, I was drawn to her right away," she began hesitantly, then took a sip of her drink and steeled herself. "As you both know, she rescued me from the Prothean dig site I'd been working on. Geth had suddenly appeared and attacked me, but I trapped myself in a barrier field to protect myself from them. Shepard freed me, but in doing so, the ruins had become unstable..."

* * *

"We have to hurry," Liara said, trying and failing at suppressing the panic she felt. "The whole place is caving in!"

Shepard, however, was the picture of control. "Joker!" she said authoritatively into her suit comm. "Get the Normandy airborne and lock in on my signal! On the double, mister!"

There was a moment's pause. "Aye aye, commander," he said, his voice remarkably clear for having to travel through tons of rock and earth. "Secure and aweigh. ETA eight minutes."

"Not much margin for error," Kaidan muttered, and she was slightly relieved to see that he, too, looked nervous. At least I'm not the only one who fears we may not make it out quickly enough, she thought.

The elevator slowly climbed up through the ruins and the sound of falling rocks and collapsing tunnels were audible even over the creaks of the ancient machine. She wrung her hands and tried to stop shuddering. Shepard, Alenko, and the quarian Tali all stood still, not looking terrified as she was, but the commander gave her a reassuring smile.

The elevator finally creaked to a half and Liara started forward until Irien held out her hand, telling her to stop. Then she saw the geth – and the krogan.

They walked up calmly, the sounds of the whirring machinery of the geth echoing through the elevator room. The krogan stopped at the edge of the elevator to gaze at Shepard, who took a step forward fearlessly.

"Surrender," he rumbled, then grinned toothily. "Or don't. That would be more fun."

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "There a reason you're in my way?"

He looked at Liara. "The same reason you're here: the asari," he said. She shrank back a little in fear. "Thanks for getting rid of those energy fields for us," he added. "Now hand the doctor over."

"Whatever it is you want, you're not getting it from me!" she said. Her voice wavered a little, but she hoped she didn't sound as scared as she felt.

Shepard smiled. "She'll stay with us, thanks," she said with a calm wave.

The krogan shook his head. "Not an option. Saren wants her, and he always gets what he wants." He glanced back at the geth, who readied their weapons. Liara looked at Shepard with worry, but the soldier stared straight ahead at the enemy. "Kill them. Spare the asari if you can. If not," he shrugged and grinned, "doesn't matter."

Instantly, the team mobilized. Shepard pulled her assault rifle out and Kaidan launched a mass effect field at the nearest geth. Shots started flying, and Liara knelt and covered her head with her hands. She shook and prayed not to be shot – she was far too scared to even consider using her biotic powers, much less focus enough to actually attack anyone with them. Her mind was filled with thoughts of the asari goddess, and she prayed and hoped that she was small enough to avoid accidental gunfire. The krogan saying to spare her if possible comforted her only slightly.

Before she knew it, the shooting at stopped, and she peered up cautiously, not wanting to but unable to help fearing that her rescuers had fallen.

Shepard, fortunately, was standing above her, holding out a hand to help Liara up. She looked up and met the commander's eyes for a moment, then took her hand and stood. They all began to run toward the exit, pausing only a moment while an energy field blocking their way fell, allowing them to pass. Her lungs burned from inhaling dust and running as hard as she could, and she found herself falling behind the impressively in-shape group.

Shepard yelled for everyone to hurry, but slowed down to allow Liara to get ahead. The cave collapsed behind them as they barely made it out the exit, and even Shepard looked so out of breath she could barely stand.

* * *

"...and as I looked back at her, I felt- drawn to her somehow," she finished, then shook her head with a half-smile. "I know how silly I must sound, but if she was willing to do that for someone she'd just met – I've never met anyone like her before," she said.

"It's not silly," Garrus told her, then reached over to pat her shoulder – such a human gesture, she thought with a smile. "I remember feeling the same way when I first met her."

"I thought you two didn't get along that well at first," Joker said.

"Well, I didn't agree with how she did things at first," the turian admitted. "But over the course of the journey, she's... changed the way I analyze and respond to different situations. The most notable case, for me, was when she helped me track down that salarian, Dr. Saleon. I'd regretting letting him get away from me at C-Sec for years, so when we finally found his ship, I was looking forward to – well," he half-smiled, almost regretfully, "things I know now that no one deserves. Getting to him, of course, wasn't as easy as I'd hoped..."

* * *

Another one of the strange creatures fell and exploded in front of them. Garrus caught Shepard making a face as some of the stuff splattered on her armor, but he couldn't be distracted – his target was on board.

"Looks like Saleon is doing more than cloning organs," he said, feeling his rage grow. Shepard nodded wordlessly and they continued through the ship.

His attention was so focused on killing the creatures and finding the doctor that, even as he noticed Irien and Kaidan exchanging worried glances, he dismissed them as unimportant next to his main goal.

They finished the last of the creatures, and opened a door to see the salarian standing inside the room. Saleon looked shocked, but took a step towards them until Garrus raised his gun, making him stop short.

"Thank you!" Saleon said happily. "Thank you for saving me from those things!" If I didn't know better, I'd believe him, he thought. Quite an act.

"Commander, that's him," he said flatly, staring unblinkingly at him. "That's Dr. Saleon."

The salarian's eyes got even wider than they were naturally, and he shook his head. "What?" he asked, panic clear in his voice. "My name is Heart. Dr. Heart. Please, get me out of here!" he begged.

Garrus felt no pity, but the commander, who he knew always saw the best in people, was concerned. "Are you sure it's him?" she asked with doubt, raising one blonde eyebrow elegantly.

"Positive," he said immediately, his attention still focused on Saleon. "There's no escape this time, Doctor," he told him with a feral grin. "I'd harvest your organs first, but we don't have the time.

The idea terrified Saleon – as it should, he thought, since I mean it. "You're crazy," he said, then turned to the commander, spreading his hands to seem more like a helpless victim. "He's crazy! Please don't let him do this to me!"

Garrus could see the conflict Shepard was feeling clear in her eyes, then she nodded once. "We'll take him in," she said in the tone of voice she used when her decision was final. "Drop him off with the military."

He couldn't believe his ears. She'd tracked Saleon down and brought him along only to let the case go on, never closing for him? "But... we have him!" he said in shock, meeting her eyes. "We can't let him get away. Not again!"

She looked back at him without emotion. "If he dies, we'll never know what he's been up to, or how he did it," she told him. Logical, but infuriating, he thought with annoyance. "We'll take him in, interrogate him, and he'll serve his time."

"I've-" he started, but her words had cut through the rage that had clouded his mind. "Okay. You're right," he conceded, bowing his head to her for a moment. He looked back at Saleon. "You're one lucky salarian," he said with a touch of bitterness. "You owe the commander your life."

Saleon sneered at them. "Oh, thank you," he said sarcastically. "Thank you so very much."

Before they could react, he ran to a table against the wall behind him, grabbed a pistol, and shot himself. Shepard jumped, then sighed sadly as the body fell to the floor.

"And so he dies anyway," Garrus said in frustration, his tone accusatory as he looked at her. "What was the point of that?"

She returned his angry gaze with a slightly sad one. "You can't predict how people will act, Garrus," she said softly. "But you can control how you'll respond. In the end, that's what really matters."

Once again, her words made sense, and in a way he hadn't really thought about before. "Yeah," he said, sounding a little melancholy. He tilted his head at her. "I don't think I've ever met anyone like you, Commander," he said, unable to hide his admiration. She gave him a half smile, and they returned to the ship in silence.

* * *

"It took a while for me to come to terms with what she told me," Garrus said, looking down at his cup rather than at either of them. "I used to be so willing to sacrifice others to do what I thought was right, but after seeing her this whole trip giving everything she had and trying to protect everyone, no matter the cost..." Liara glanced over at Ash's empty workbench sadly. "Well, it's given me a new perspective. I can't ever repay her for what she's taught me."

They all sat in a thoughtful silence for a few minutes, until Joker spoke. "There was one point where I thought she really had sacrificed everything to finish a mission," he told them, sounding far more reserved than normal. "Neither of you got to see me when those colonists on Feros went crazy and started attacking the ship." He took another sip of his drink and shook his head. "You know I'm not normally the kind of guy to be all protective or worry a lot or crap like that, but this time was different. She'd dropped completely out of contact, and I was trying really hard not to panic..."

* * *

Joker was far too cynical to be a religious man, but because of Shepard, he’d found himself praying a surprising number of times lately.

Not that she was religious – that he knew of anyway – but she was always going off and putting herself in these dangerous situations, leaving him to quietly fret about her the entire time she was gone.

She can't help it that she has a galaxy to save, he thought idly as he wrung his hands in worry before he caught himself and stopped. The sounds of the Feros colonists banging against the Normandy's hull echoed loudly, making him tense and worrying everyone on board.

Not that any of the crew members would openly say anything about it, of course, but a fair number of them had wandered up to the bridge to "casually" ask him if he'd heard from Shepard.

Though he could admit he did like being the one they came to for leadership when she was gone, he couldn't help but think every explosion he heard outside the ship was a trap that had been laid for her, every geth transmission he intercepted was the patrol that would get inside her defenses, and too much silence made him wish for a sound to tell him she was still fighting.

Even with his pessimism, so far he'd been wrong about fearing that she'd been killed. This time, however, Joker had a feeling of dread that something really had happened. She wasn't responding on her comm. The computer wasn’t even picking up a signal from it. It’s like it was destroyed somehow, in an explosion or crushed by geth or the Mako had blown up or-

He cut off his mental panicking to try to get through to her again, hoping that the signal was just too weak to register. He refused to give up hope. "Come on, commander, talk to me, please?" he said, practically begging. "We need you back here. How are we supposed to do this without you?"

He listened intently for any sign of life on the radio. Still nothing. If he was able get up and pace around the cockpit, he would, but instead he was forced to sit there and keep sending messages that she clearly wasn't hearing.

What would they do if she was gone? How would they stop Saren? No one out there was willing or able to be the first human Spectre like she was, and it was clear the Council couldn't handle stopping him themselves – or they didn't care enough to, he thought with irritation. The mission would stop without her and the galaxy would have to deal with whatever he unleashed on the galaxy.

Yeah, Saren will be a pain in the ass if she's gone, he thought. So why am I not worried about it? he wondered, puzzled at his own lack of concern at the matter.

It wasn't the mission he was concerned about, he realized. It was Shepard herself.

He slapped a hand to his forehead and sighed. He should've known and stopped himself from falling for her. It was the way his heart beat faster every time he talked to her, the way he couldn't help but smile when she made those big motivational speeches she loved so much, the way he was proud every time he did something particularly useful for her, the way his heart swelled whenever she defended or complimented him.

He was in love with her.

Not that even acknowledging it would do him any good. Irien was clearly head over heels for Kaidan – it was clear after he’d heard them flirt repeatedly as he listened in on their conversations over the comm. System. It was also obvious he returned her affections. Joker knew he had no chance – but he couldn't help the way he felt.

Of course, he'd never let her know. No sense bothering her with something he knew he could never have, he thought logically, if sadly.

Joker shook his head and hit the button to send out a call to her again. "I repeat, Normandy to shore party!" he said, his heart heavy – and not just from worry about her. "Are you reading? Anyone there?" Nothing. He kept trying, panic beginning to creep into his voice. "Normandy to shore party. Come on, Commander, talk to me!"

There was a moment of static and his heart began to race. "Is that you, Joker?" she asked. He thanked gods he didn't believe in that she was safe and filled her in on everything that had happened that she'd missed – except for his realization, of course. That he would have to keep to himself.

* * *

"I want to tell her," he finished quietly, "but I know that's really just being selfish and it would just make her feel bad for me. And I don't want that," he said heatedly. "I get enough of that shit from everybody else. She's the only one who treats me like a human being despite my disease – no offense," he added dryly, then shook his head. "Don't know how she never noticed what I was thinking though. I thought it was pretty damn obvious,"

Garrus chuckled in agreement. "Well you're more subtle about it than the rest of us. It's funny," he said thoughtfully, "the commander is so good at understanding the 'big picture,' as you humans say, but she doesn't notice things right in front of her."

"She never would have known how I felt had I not said anything," Liara said quietly. "She excels at setting situations up as she wants them, and a relationship with me – with any of us – was not in her plan, so it was never acknowledged."

"Perhaps it's better that way," Garrus mused. "We can all accept things as they are and move on. Shepard seems to care for Alenko, as he does for her. We should just be happy that things worked out for them."

"Yeah," Joker said sarcastically, sounding glum. "I'm thrilled."

They all sat in a thoughtful silence and finished what was left of their drinks.

* * *

"I never thought my little crush on you would get me here," Kaidan said with a deep chuckle.

Irien snuggled closer, relishing the feel of his arms around her. For once, she felt content to let someone else protect her from the big, bad galaxy. "And where did you think it would get you?" she asked with a smile, leaning back a little so she could see his face.

"Most likely, nowhere," he replied, running his fingers through her hair. "Or possibly court-martialed, depending on how horrified you were by the idea. You didn't seem all that interested at first. And I figured you were too much of a goodie two-shoes to take me up on anything I offered," he teased.

She snorted and grinned. "Are you kidding, Alenko? I had the hots for you from the beginning!"

"What? When?" he asked, baffled.

"Well... we were on the Citadel," she said with a slightly shy half-smile. "You, me and Ash were all looking out at the view of the station-"

"-and you said that aliens should love us, since we have oceans, beautiful women, and love-"

"-and you told me that because of those things, there was no reason they shouldn't like me," she finished, grinning. "Then you got all cute and flustered-"

"I was not flustered! I thought you were going to kick my ass!"

"You were flustered, and then you tried to pretend like you didn't say anything," she continued, laughing at his protests. "And that was when I knew you were going to get me into trouble, Kaidan Alenko."

He looked surprised, but pleased. "Really?" he asked.

She nodded, then stretched up to kiss him. "Really," she whispered.

"Because that was the moment I knew you were going to get me into trouble," he replied. "But what I don't understand," he continued, more seriously, "is why you even looked at me twice. You must have noticed that I wasn't the only one-"

"-staring at my ass?" she asked innocently, batting her eyes.

He laughed. "Well, yes, that too, but I mean, there are quite a few members of the crew who wish they'd gotten your attention like I managed to." Kaidan looked at her seriously. "Why me?"

She half-smiled and closed her eyes. "Because... because when I look at this whole situation, when I try to figure out where we all stand in this big mess that Saren and Sovereign and – hell, even the Council – created, and when I make my plans about where I'm going to go or what I'll do, I always find myself factoring you in." She opened her eyes to meet his. "When I think about how I want to take on the galaxy, I can't see any way of doing it without you." She grinned. "No matter how much trouble you're going to get me in!"

"Well then," he said with a smile, then grinned wickedly. "I'm glad I was seen as a threat to the big scary Spectre, elite human agent, killer of geth, savior of the galaxy," Kaidan teased, then reached down to tickle her sides. "Since I do know her one weakness!"

She squealed and laughed uncontrollably. "No! Stop it right now!" she squirmed and tried to escape as she giggled. "That is an order, Alenko! I swear I'll-"

"You'll what?"

She leaned up to kiss him again, shutting him up and stopping the tickling for a few minutes before she slowly pulled away. He opened his eyes and shook his head at her, and she smiled in response as she climbed out of bed.

“Might be a good idea to put a uniform on,” she said sadly as he made a face. “We’ll probably be there soon, and the two of us coming out of my quarters looking disheveled would demand some explanations I’m not willing to give at the moment.”

He chuckled, but raised an eyebrow. “’At the moment?’ You’re going to tell everyone about this?” he asked. “I don’t want you to get court-martialed or anything.”

Shepard turned back to look at him with an impish smile. “If we manage to get to Ilos in time, stop Saren, and deal with Sovereign, I think they can deal with a little fraternization,” she said, pulling her shirt on. “Besides,” she added, leaning back against the table with a smile. “Even if they do try anything, you’re worth it.”

He shook his head. What did I ever do to deserve her? he wondered. “It’s been a long time since I met a woman who-”

“Bridge to Commander Shepard.” Joker interrupted them again, and Kaidan chuckled. “We’re five minutes out from the Mu Relay.”

Irien smiled at him. “You’re a sweetheart, Kaidan.”

He returned the smile and wished the two of them could just stay in her quarters forever. Unfortunately, both of them had work to do. “Joker’s waiting for you on the bridge,” he said. “I swear though, if anything happens to you...”

Kaidan wished at that moment he could tell her everything – how much she meant to him, how she had changed him and made him a better man, how much better his life was with her in it, how he loved her and would do anything to keep her safe. But all he could say was, “Take care, Shepard.”

She smiled, tugged on her uniform to straighten it a bit, and left the room. He wondered what would happen on Ilos – if they’d stop Saren, if they’d defeat Sovereign, if they’d even survive. But as much as he worried about the future, there was one thing he knew for certain. He would do everything he could do protect her so that he could have the rest of their lives to tell her just how much she meant to him.

Apologies...

2008-01-07T08:17:27Z

I've been promising another fic for ages, and I wanted to apologize because it's not done yet and won't be posted for a least another week. I got sucked in to "Battlestar Galactica" and watched that nonstop instead of writing. :( Plus I'm heading to DisneyWorld with the family tomorrow and will be there until Sunday, when I'll be back at school. I'm sending it off to my beta tonight, it should be back to me by the time I'm at the computer again, and hopefully I can post it soon after. Thanks for your patience, anyone who reads this. :)

Upcoming fics:
"Oblivious" - nearly-done M.E. oneshot
Untitled chaptered Kaidan story
Probably a BSG story once I finish season 3

Fic - "Gossip"

2007-12-11T01:05:16Z

Title: Gossip
Characters: Joker, female Shepard, Kaidan; small appearances by Liara, Garrus, Wrex, Tali
Pairing: Shenko
Rating: PG
Genre: General, Romance
Summary: Joker thinks about all the secrets among the crew of the Normandy and his role in monitoring and protecting them.
Author's Notes: Inspired by pookaseraph because of our conversation about Joker being the biggest gossip on the whole ship. So many thanks to my amazing beta HeavenlyMuse from ff.net, who went through ~5 drafts of this thing with me! I am really happy with how this turned out, so I hope you all enjoy! :)

Joker would be the first to tell anyone that he knew the Normandy better than anyone else alive. Though David Anderson first and Irien Shepard after him may have thought they understood her pretty well, Joker knew that in terms of knowledge of technical details, skill at fixing any problems that came up, or control over the tiniest aspects of all the systems in the ship, he would always be the one they’d turn to, because he knew it all.

Unfortunately, he didn’t realize that knowing the ship that well meant knowing the people on it and their activities far better than he’d ever wanted to.

“We haven’t had time together since our last chat.” Kaidan’s voice came through his headset, and Joker rolled his eyes. “And, uh, a lot was said. When we talked.”

“You seemed decisive then, Lieutenant,” Shepard asked him, and from the tone of her voice he could tell she was grinning. “Why so hesitant now?”

Not again, Joker thought with a long-suffering mental sigh, but he didn’t turn off the headset or switch to monitor another room. If those two weren’t going to try to keep their flirting a secret, he would just have to pick up the slack.

During his scans of the Normandy through its impressive comm system, the words of crew members sometimes made their way into Joker’s ears, often when they weren’t meant to be heard by anyone else. At the beginning of this increasingly lengthy mission, he had made an effort to check in on a different area whenever he heard someone talking. Unfortunately, every damn crew member felt the need to tell their secrets constantly, so it was tough to avoid.

He didn’t mean to be nosy – well, okay, maybe he did – but some of the crew members just didn’t understand how keeping secrets in the military worked. People in this line of work could be brutal in sharing things that could be used to give themselves an advantage, as he knew from experience; more than once on previous assignments, lower-ranked pilots had used his illness in complaints to superior officers in attempts to get him demoted and take his job themselves. Occasionally, early in his career, it had worked.

While he couldn’t help but still be a little bitter about losing the jobs for no reason other than his limited ability to walk, Shepard had made him understand that this ship was run differently. Though he was being judged on his skill at flying, he knew there were still some on board who would cause problems with private matters. He was concerned that some uptight, goody-goody random crew member would find out too much about Shepard and Kaidan’s not-quite rule-breaking and report it to the Alliance, which would cause many problems and solve none.

Keeping tabs on everyone in order to protect these secrets had become part of his self-defined job description, and he did it well, Joker thought with satisfaction as he set up the ship’s autopilot.

He couldn’t hide everything – everyone on the ship knew that there were things going on among the more prominent members of the team. However, he had been successful so far at hiding the things that would really get people in trouble. As he casually chatted with one crew member or another, he made sure these things came up in conversation. Just like the captains came to him for technical advice, the crew came to him to discuss the latest rumor. He usually didn’t confirm or deny anything they asked him, though he did know the facts about many of the different rumors floating around, but would sometimes pass on tidbits of things he’d heard to encourage interests in different directions.

He felt like the Shadow Broker on the Citadel, aware of and subtly controlling all the strands of information around the ship. Though he never gave away information that could get people in trouble, people got bored sitting on a ship for days without anything to do and most turned to gossip for entertainment. If the people involved weren’t going to do anything to quash the rumors, it fell to him to do so. He kept everything under his control, and got to silently laugh whenever someone reported back to him a rumor he himself had started.

For instance, Wrex, the huge, intimidating krogan, often whistled in his sleep. And not some big, manly whistle, if such a thing existed – it was the kind a small bird would make. From the location of the sound, Joker had been able to learn that Wrex had set up a cot on the lower level of the ship and slept on that. Though the more human-like members of the crew had claimed sleeping pods, the krogan was far too large – and too used to the constantly on-the-move life of a mercenary – to make more permanent arrangements. That was one he’d never pass on, as he had enough trouble trying to stop himself from laughing whenever he saw the guy – he didn’t want one of the crew giving the thing away, since he didn’t want to get his ass kicked, especially by a krogan who could easily grind his bones to make his goddamn bread.

He chuckled to himself and switched to monitor another area, and was saddened to hear Ashley singing some decade-old pop song. Again. It happened whenever she was working and thought she was alone, and they got stuck in his head every time he heard her, making the other crew members sitting near him laugh when they caught him humming them. He switched away quickly to try to avoid it happening again.

“So what do you think about all the aliens the commander dragged on board?” his assistant pilot Richard asked. Joker resisted the urge to smile smugly.

“As long as they don’t try to come up here and fly the ship, I’ve got no problem with ‘em,” he replied dryly.

“Fair enough,” Richard said. “Don’t know why the hell Shepard trusts a krogan and a turian on this ship though.”

Sometimes I don’t either, he thought, but shrugged and grinned at him. “What, think she can’t take care of them if they start causing a problem?” he asked sarcastically.

He chuckled and nodded in agreement. “Yeah, no way they’d mess with her.”

He’d heard little from Garrus and Wrex during their time on the ship, but as he switched to another room now, he caught them as they discussed their (sometimes unfavorable) opinions on the rest of the crew again, though he’d never tell that to anyone else.

“I don’t get why Shepard let those biotic underlings go,” Wrex said in his typical deep, grumpy voice. “They’re just gonna cause more problems.”

“Eh,” Garrus said, sounding doubtful. “Once they’re out from the influence of Major Kyle, I’m sure they’ll forget about his violent goals.”

The krogan snorted. “You sound like Shepard.”

It was clear to Joker that Wrex didn’t enjoy the fact that she refused to indulge his rather bloodthirsty tendencies. While the turian had been the same way at the beginning, it seemed to him that Garrus’s willingness to get the job done however possible had been curbed somewhat by being around the commander, who often took risks and went to great lengths to save civvies.

The other two aliens seemed decent enough, he thought as he switched down to monitor the engine room, where Tali proclaimed her love and admiration for the ship and amazed all the mechanics, even impressing Joker with her knowledge. As much as he loved listening to people talk about technical details, he thought dryly, he switched up to the medbay in the hopes of finding something more interesting.

The asari, Liara, who everybody else on the crew thought of as a sweet, naïve little thing, was definitely hitting on Commander Shepard every time she made conversation with her. Shepard was completely oblivious – she continued talking to her and was baffled when Alenko brought up the idea that Liara might be “interested” in her “as more than a source of Prothean data.”

Apparently Shepard and Kaidan had wrapped up their latest flirting marathon, because the lieutenant and asari were now debating.

“I just don’t think it’s appropriate for you and the commander to speak so personally about yourselves,” Liara said, trying to sound innocent. Wow, talk about a hypocrite, Joker thought. She told Shepard her whole damn life story last time they talked.

“What are you talking about?” Kaidan said. He was trying to sound like he had no idea what she was talking about and failing. “We were- discussing the mission. That’s all, really.”

“And when you kept touching her arm,” Liara said, her voice filled with barely-contained jealousy, “that was about the mission too?” Kaidan sputtered an excuse about not understanding what was going on and fled.

She made a good point, and Joker couldn’t help but chuckle at the guy’s awkward reaction. Shepard and Kaidan really were the most shameless flirts he’d ever had the misfortune to listen to – but of course, that didn’t mean he was going to let them have their little “discussions” without finding out what was going on. Both of them brought up the rules against fraternization fairly often, which always made Joker snort contemptuously – if they really cared about it, they wouldn’t be making excuses to talk or staring at each other constantly.

Joker still sometimes felt a twinge of jealousy as he heard them talking, but did his best to suppress it. Somebody on this ship should be getting some, and if anybody deserves to, it’s the two of them – as long as they can control themselves until there was some time to kill. Of course, he thought, Shepard would be the last one to put the mission in jeopardy – not only could she command the respect of the crew, she also had her priorities straight, she was an incredible fighter, not to mention gorgeous, athletic, intelligent...

He caught himself zoning out as he thought of her, and gave himself a mental slap. He wasn’t allowed to criticize Kaidan when he couldn’t help occasionally thinking along the same lines the other man was.

His thinking had taken more time than he’d realized, he noticed as he checked out the navicomputer. At least the two of them quit chatting, he thought, shaking his head slightly. He flipped on a two-way comm channel with Shepard. “Commander, we’re coming up on Noveria. Want me to prep the shore party?” he offered.

Her voice came clearly through the comm. “Sure, tell, um... Ash and Garrus to meet me by the airlock in five,” she replied. “Thanks a lot, I appreciate it.”

“Damn, commander,” he said, filling his voice with fake pain, “you’re really giving me some tough assignments here. How about you give me a break once in a while and let me do something easy?”

“Fair enough – get your gear and grab a weapon,” she replied with a laugh. “I hope you’re ready for the cold, I hear Noveria’s pretty chilly.”

“Well I wouldn’t want to take all the glory,” he protested cheerfully. “Like you said before, getting a medal would just cause all sorts of problems for me.” He heard her laugh and half-smiled as he dutifully switched the channel to speak to the two she’d selected. He couldn’t stop his thoughts from taking a more serious turn. She appreciated him, but only for the easy stuff he did like piloting the ship, making calls, summoning crew members – the only things she knew about. If only I could tell her everything I do for her, he thought regretfully. But I guess some secrets are better left unsaid.

They were off the ship shortly after, leaving Pressley in charge – which meant everyone else on the crew would be sleeping, eating, or gossiping within a few minutes. Richard patted him on the shoulder and left for a break in the mess hall, and Joker sighed – he was bored already – and began running his scans again when he heard footsteps and a polite throat-clearing behind him.

“Hey, Joker,” Kaidan said, coming up to sit in the chair Richard had recently vacated. He nodded a greeting and began a routine systems check on the computer, and Kaidan sighed and leaned back in the chair. “I hate not going out there with her,” he said, sounding mournful. “I always worry.”

Joker snorted with derision. “Yeah, sucks to be left here every time and never have any idea how she’s doing or if things have gone bad or if she’s even alive until she shows up back on the ship, huh,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Must be really rough on you to have to sit out for once.”

The lieutenant grinned. “Ok, I guess you win,” he admitted. “I just- I wish there was something I could do to protect her.”

He relented a bit. “I know the feeling,” he said sincerely. What was it about Shepard that made them all do everything they could for her and still want to do more? I’m doing what I can on the ship, and Kaidan helps her in fights, he thought as the two of them sat in companionable silence. I just hope it’s enough to protect her from whatever may happen.

Mass Effect icons

2007-12-04T07:44:20Z

Instead of doing homework, I made several Mass Effect icons. Most are just bases, put text on a couple - I suck at photoshop but I thought I'd cut out some faces in case anyone was interested. Please comment if you use em, and if you add to the bases, please link em so I can see the prettiness. :)

Bases:

1. 2. 3. 4.
5. 6. 7. 8.
9.

With text:

10. 11. 12. 13.

Fic - "Thinking Too Much" - Shenko

2007-12-04T03:36:40Z

Title: Thinking Too Much
Characters: Kaiden, female Shepard; appearances by Joker, Liara, Udina, Citadel Council
Pairing: Shenko
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, romance
Summary: Post-Virmire, Kaiden wonders if Shepard let Ashley die for nothing and how their relationship has changed.
Author's Notes: This is prompted by me being baffled that Kaiden goes from being angry at Shepard for letting Ashley die, then immediately being defensive of her in front of the Council and then having a near-kiss with her on the ship. This fic attempts to explain this sudden change and what Kaiden thinks of the whole thing.

Kaiden Alenko was still alive, and he didn’t understand why.

Well, that wasn’t completely true, he thought, leaning on the wall near the computer panel he often worked at. He knew Irien Shepard liked him – quite possibly loved him – but to sacrifice another soldier, a friend, was something else entirely.

It had been a situation he wasn’t prepared for, and he prided himself on always being ready for whatever came at him, or having an escape plan in case it didn’t work out. Virmire had been a mess. He knew something was wrong when the Salarians took Ashley with them in the first place, and when he found out it was her or himself, he’d made his plan, armed the bomb, and told Shepard to continue on. So why hadn’t she?

Kaiden slid down the wall to sit and resisted the feeling he needed to bury his head in his hands and cry. Ash had been on several missions with Shepard. She was a valuable member of the crew and had been a good friend to all of them, and Shepard had let her die to save him when he’d been ready to sacrifice himself.

He sighed and stood up again to pretend like he was working on the panel, wincing as he moved – his ribs were still bruised from the beating he’d taken yesterday. He had tried not to think of the events afterwards – it had been a rough day and a sleepless night since then – but he couldn’t help but replay what had happened over and over, trying to find a way where both of them would have been able to have come out alive.

After Shepard had left him to program the nuke while she got Ash back, the geth had shown up and surprised them all. Though he and the other soldiers were skilled, they weren’t Spectres, and they had quickly been overwhelmed. He’d managed to send a message to Shepard that the bomb was armed before being shot and beaten into unconsciousness.

The next thing he knew, he was on the ground in the worst pain of his life, Shepard and Saren were fighting, and things were looking bad. Saren had grabbed her by the throat and held her in the air as she struggled, and as Kaiden tried to stand to do what he could to help, it seemed to distract the turian, making him look in Kaiden’s direction. That bought Shepard the second she needed to punch the bastard with all her considerable strength and get out of his grasp.

As Saren fled, she had rushed to Kaiden’s side to offer her hand. He grabbed it instantly and stood up, but the pain was too intense, especially in several of his ribs. Guess I managed to break something this time, he had thought with genuine surprise. His pain increased as Shepard, seeing he couldn’t stand, much less walk, without assistance, had lifted and flung him over her shoulder. That was the last thing he could remember before passing out again.

The crew debriefing session was a disaster, and his eyes had constantly been drawn to Ash’s empty chair. The entire crew was somber and in disbelief. Shepard let her die, he thought, feeling terribly guilty, both for thinking so and for being part of the reason it had happened. I would have stayed, but she came back and let Ash die.

“I’d never leave you behind,” she’d said during the meeting, her voice cracking slightly. He knew she was looking at him, but he couldn’t stand to meet her eyes – seeing her upset when she had been so strong the whole mission was more than he thought he could take. “I couldn’t. You know that.”

“I know,” he’d told her, looking at the floor. “And I am grateful. But Ash died because of me. Because of us.”

It was that fact that haunted him now. Though he loved Shepard, he couldn’t forgive himself or the two of them. If he hadn’t flirted with her so much, maybe Ash would still be alive.

Talking to her alone hadn’t helped, either. Their conversation seemed forced and cold, not at all like the warm flirting they’d so often had before. Being alone with her had forced him to look her in the eyes as they’d spoken. Though her words were brave and sensible, her eyes, watery and red, told him a different story – she was just as miserable as he.

So why hadn’t he told her what he was really thinking? Why hadn’t he stopped her when she’d left and gone into her quarters?

As always, he’d needed a way out. He’d gotten more emotionally involved with Shepard than with any woman in his past, except for his Jump Zero love Rahna, and he’d never even kissed her. Ash’s death had changed them both, and honestly, it frightened him. If she was willing to sacrifice Ashley for him, what other things was she willing to do? She had an important mission – was he just going to get in the way and get more people killed? How selfish was he being for acting on his feelings for her?

“Bridge to Commander Shepard.” Joker’s voice rang out over the comm system, making him jump. Though he didn’t hear her reply, Joker’s voice carried through the wall of her quarters – they were nearly to the Citadel and Shepard was needed on the bridge. She left her room a moment later and walked up the ramp without turning to look at him. He felt a pang in his chest, but tried to ignore it.

He jumped again when the pilot’s voice came through his personal communicator.

“Joker to Lieutenant Alenko – you awake Kaiden?”

He sighed and unhooked the thing from his belt. “I’m here, Joker,” he replied, trying to keep his voice upbeat. “Need me up there?”

“No, it’s – well, it’s just that-” Joker paused. “Go easy on her, okay? I’m sure you feel awful about what happened just like the rest of us do, but she’s really beating herself up over it and thinks she deserves it.” His voice lowered and Kaiden had to raise the communicator closer to his ear to hear him. “She sounds like she’s been crying in there. She made a tough decision, everybody’s sad, and we all have to keep going. I know how much you mean to her, so try not to screw her up even more.”

Kaiden was honestly surprised. He didn’t know Joker that well, but from what he’d seen, the speech wasn’t typical of the normally sarcastic soldier. But he had a point. “Yeah,” he replied. “Yeah, I know. I just- I don’t know what to do,” he said. He felt helpless and he couldn’t keep it out of his voice. He couldn’t help Ash, he didn’t know how to feel less guilty about her death, and he sure as hell didn’t know what to do about his feelings for Shepard.

“Yeah, well neither does she,” Joker told him dryly. There was the pilot he recognized. “Get up here, she’s gonna need you when she goes to talk to the Council.”

“Be up in a second.” He reattached his communicator and tried to silence his doubts as he headed upstairs. It seemed that he was the only one who had been summoned to the navigation room, as none of the other crew members were present. No doubt they want to be alone, he thought. Unfortunately, Shepard and I don’t have that luxury.

As if his thoughts had summoned her, she appeared in the doorway and caught his eye, nodding once before turning around and heading toward the airlock. He steeled his nerves and followed.

The walk over was awkward. Though Kaiden tried to think of something, anything to say to her to explain what he was feeling, the look on her face told him not to try at the moment. The Council meeting will be stress enough without trying to explain how I blame both of us for Ashley’s death, he thought. But I’m not trying to make her feel worse, and it wasn’t her fault – well, okay, it kind of was, but I just want her to understand – but I don’t even understand it, he thought in frustration. If it sounds this bad even in my head I need to keep my mouth shut. Wisely, he followed his own advice and they were silent for the entire journey.

Udina and the Council members were waiting for them as they climbed the stairs.

“Good job, Shepard,” Udina said, a scowl on his face even as he praised her. Shepard stopped next to him with her arms folded and an emotionless look on her face, not willing to let any of the sadness after the events on Virmire show. He knew the feeling and did the same, standing a few steps behind them. “Thanks to you, the Council’s finally taking real action against Saren!”

“The ambassador is correct,” the Asari councilor told them. “If Saren is foolish enough to attack the Citadel – as you believe – we will be ready for him.”

The Turian councilor agreed, nodding sagely. “Patrols are stationed at every mass relay linking Citadel space to the Terminus Systems.”

“How many ships are you sending to attack Ilos?” Shepard asked them, stubbornly unwilling to accept their answer. They haven’t been this helpful before – there has to be a catch, Kaiden thought.

The Salarian councilor gave her a look of annoyance. That guy really doesn’t like us, he thought with a frown. “Ilos is only accessible through the Mu Relay, deep inside the Terminus Systems, Commander,” he told her, speaking slower than normal, as if she were a small child who wouldn’t understand. “If we send a fleet in there, the only possible outcome is a full-scale war.”

Udina gave her a similar look. “Now is the time for discretion, Commander. Saren’s greatest weapon was secrecy. Exposed, he is no longer a threat. This is over.”

Shepard frowned. “One ship going into the Terminus Systems won’t start a war,” she said. “I can be discreet.”

“You detonated a nuclear device on Virmire – I wouldn’t call that discreet!” the Turian scoffed.

The Asari spoke with a kinder voice, but Kaiden could tell she thought very highly of her own superiority. “Your style served you well in the Traverse, Commander. We recognize this,” she allowed. “But Ilos requires a deft touch. We have the situation under control.”

“Sovereign’s the real threat!” Shepard said, clearly getting frustrated. Why won’t they just listen to her? Kaiden thought, his annoyance building as well. She knows what she’s doing! “Saren’s just a servant of the Reapers!”

“Only you have seen the Reapers,” the Asari reminded her condescendingly. “And then only in visions. We won’t invade the Terminus Systems because of a dream.”

“But secrecy isn’t his greatest weapon,” she countered. “The Conduit is!”

The Salarian shook his head. “Saren is a master manipulator,” he said in a voice that clearly said he thought she was foolish enough to “fall for” Saren’s schemes. Kaiden clenched his fists in anger but managed to stay silent. “The Conduit is just a distraction from his real plan to attack the Citadel.”

Shepard looked to Udina, desperately hoping for help from a man Kaiden knew would be the last one to offer it. “If Saren finds the Conduit, we’re all screwed!” He could see her start to lose control. Did she sacrifice Ashley just to be stopped by politicians? he thought with shock. Are they really going to make Ash’s death meaningless after all she did, all we gave up? She turned back to the Council. “We have to go to Ilos!”

“Ambassador Udina,” the turian said, pointedly ignoring her comment. "I get the sense Commander Shepard isn’t willing to let this go.”

Udina glared at her, becoming even more venomous than usual. “There are serious political implications here, Shepard,” he said warningly. “Humanity’s made great gains thanks to you. But now you’re becoming more trouble than you’re worth.

He couldn’t contain himself any longer. “You bastard!” he shouted, wishing he could do something to help. “You’re selling us out!”

The ambassador took a few steps closer to the Council. “It’s just politics, Commander,” he said coldly. “You’ve done your job, now let me do mine.” He turned to look at Shepard. “We locked out all the Normandy’s primary systems. Until further notice, you’re grounded.”

She stood there, unable to move or say anything for a moment – she looked about ready to burst into tears, but he could, he thought, read her better than anyone else, so he doubted the others could tell. “Are you insane?” she finally asked, sounding incredulous. “After everything I’ve done-” her voice cracked for a moment and Kaiden’s heart ached for her, “you still don’t believe me?”

“I think it’s time for you and your team to leave, Commander,” Udina said, turning away from her. “This no longer concerns you. The Council can handle this. With my help, of course,” he added obsequiously.

Shepard stood still for a moment longer before turning on her heel and practically flying down the stairs, and Kaiden looked at the Council in stunned disbelief for a moment before following her.

He let her alone for a little while after they got back to the Normandy and stopped by to ask Liara what the situation was. Apparently, Joker had learned before they did that the ship was grounded, so Shepard had no need to make a report to him or anyone else, as he’d let everyone know over the comm system before they’d gotten back. He spent a few minutes with the asari before leaving the medbay. He planned to return to his post until he spotted Shepard going through her locker with a scowl on her face.

I have to talk to her, he thought. Even if she regrets saving me, even if she hates me, if she blames me for letting Ash get killed, I have to say something so I know where we stand. He approached her, and she looked up, sighed, and turned to sit and lean against the cold metal of the ship.

“Commander? Are you all right?” he asked her quietly. Seeing the withering scowl she gave him, he shrugged and gave her a sad half-smile. “I’m sure there’s a way to appeal,” he said, trying to cheer her up. “We’re under Alliance authority, after all. Not the Council.”

She shook her head, her messy blonde hair waving gently. “Official channels are closed,” she said, sounding resigned as she ran a hand through her hair to attempt to straighten it. “They were quite clear about that.”

“Closed,” he said flatly. He couldn’t believe that she was willing to give up. He’d never met a stronger or more passionate woman in his life, and he wasn’t going to let that jackass Udina get her down. “And we’re supposed to accept that?” he asked her. “So where do you think the best view will be when the Reapers roll through? If we have to sit it out, may as well get a good seat,” he offered, hoping for a smile.

It was a small success; a corner of her mouth twitched up as she looked up at him, her green eyes practically glowing from the light reflected in them. “We’ll think of something,” she said. “I just need some time to figure things out.”

“If I can help, let me know,” he said. Though he wanted to leave it at that, his doubts ate away at him, and he had to qualify the statement. “I hope I’m not out of line saying that.”

Shepard smiled again, bigger this time. “You always this cautious with a sure thing?”

Kaiden chuckled, glad she still thought it was a “sure thing” as his mood improved with the two of them returning to old habits. “Yeah, I always leave a way out. You know that,” he said somewhat apologetically. “I’m here for you. But we’re in a rough spot, and the last thing I want to do is muddy things.” He snorted. “Like it’s all that clear to start with. Are we valued agents or just peons?”

“Can’t just pull out of a good old fashioned ‘it’ll be all right,’ can you?” she teased with a grin.

“It’s that easy, huh?” he asked with a laugh. “Okay then. Everything will be fine, Shepard,” he said slowly, nodding as he did. “You know that.”

“That wasn’t so hard, now was it?” she asked him with a sweet smile.

“I could get used to it,” he admitted. Why did I worry about this? he wondered. Being daring for once, he half-smiled at her with a questioning look. “I guess we have some downtime to figure out what we are, huh?” he offered.

She looked pleasantly surprised then started to stand as he offered his hand to her. She raised her eyebrows and beamed at him, then accepted, and a combination of his strength pulling her up and hers pulling down on him got them both so off-balance that they fell into each other’s arms. It was the closest they’d ever been, and Kaiden felt his heart start beating so fast he felt sure she’d be able to hear it clearly.

It was like a dream. Though he’d never admit it, he’d had a few of them where he wound up kissing her, but this was better, more perfect than any dream could be. He looked into her eyes, and he imagined he could see everything she was – strong, kind, loving, and a true public servant, but he could also see a self-doubt that made her brutally analyze every action she’d taken, every person she’d helped, every human or alien or geth or creature she’d been forced to kill. She was never really sure of herself.

“I believe in you,” he murmured, reaching up to touch her cheek gently. “You’re an incredible woman, Irien Shepard.”

She smiled slowly, her eyes lighting up, and they both leaned forward simultaneously.

“Sorry to interrupt, Commander,” Joker’s voice said loudly over the comm., making him jump for the second time that day. “Got a message from Captain Anderson.”

The two of them swiftly moved apart, and he stood there, trying to stop himself from looking as awkward and uncomfortable as he felt.

“Were you spying on us, Joker?” Shepard asked, sounding more than a little annoyed.

“No ma’am. Just knew you were on the ship and figured I’d pass the message on,” the pilot replied, sounding innocent. “Captain Anderson said to meet him at Flux. That club down in the wards.”

They both sighed quietly, then looked at each other with identical grins. Shepard let out a little giggle unlike anything he’d ever heard her make before, which made him laugh.

He gave her a regretful smile. “Well, I guess you’d better go then,” he told her, and she nodded and started toward the ramp upstairs, but not before stepping closer to him and giving him an unexpected and gentle kiss on the cheek.

“Thanks, Kaiden.”

He smiled at her as she left. “Anytime,” he said quietly.

Fic - "Noticed" - Shenko

2007-12-02T22:23:11Z

Title: Noticed
Characters: Kaiden, female Shepard
Pairing: Shenko
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance, fluff
Summary: Kaiden thinks about how often Shepard is recognized by everyone they encounter, but he doesn't realize how often her attention is directed at him. Oneshot, minor early romance spoilers.
Author's Notes: First Mass Effect fic, so constructive criticism is welcomed. I hope you enjoy! :)

Everywhere they went, people noticed her.

Kaiden couldn’t blame them, really. Irien Shepard ran around in full armor with several powerful weapons strapped to her back and looked serious and intimidating. This was usually enough to get the interest of anyone who spotted her, and she was a familiar face, so once she drew the attention, she kept it. What human wouldn’t recognize the hero of the Blitz, the savior of Elysium? What alien didn’t know the woman who might be the first human Spectre? What male could ignore her strength and beauty?

He had no reason to be, but he was still jealous. She took care of every situation they encountered with ease, whether it had to do with their mission or with helping every random person they met. She could convince anyone to share their problems and fixed them. She took charge of situations so well that it left little for him and the others to do. He felt silly as they walked around the Citadel. He was like a bodyguard following her around – but even bodyguards are necessary to protect their superior, and as she had proved many times over in the short time they’d journeyed together, she could take care of herself.

He couldn’t help taking advantage of walking behind her to look at Shepard without fear of getting caught in the act. She made her decisions with barely a moment’s pause and never questioned herself. She was the most talented soldier he’d ever known. She was smart, beautiful, and had been quite the tactician and leader so far.

Kaiden wondered how long he’d get to serve under her. She had the best ship and best crew in the Alliance, and had already gathered several impressive aliens to join up with them as well. He didn’t think he’d last long – he’d already made a fool of himself on Eden Prime when he’d been captivated by the beacon, causing her to have to save him and get controlled by it herself. He didn’t really contribute much except a skill with electronics and locks that the new Quarian Tali far outstripped.

He didn’t think he’d get to stay with her for long, but he appreciated every mission he went on with her. He tried to memorize the exact look on her face as she took careful aim at a faraway enemy, or as a geth exploded as it ran toward her, or when the happiness evident on her face as someone she helped thanked her profusely.

Kaiden couldn’t help but notice the glint of happiness in her eyes as he made a joke, and the look and the little smile she gave him made him happier than he felt it should. He was over-interpreting things – she was just being nice to him, just as she was to everyone else.

He failed to notice that he was joining her on every mission. He didn’t realize that he didn’t even have to be called up to the airlock when they landed on a new planet – he went up automatically, knowing without thinking about it that he would be going. In all his careful scrutiny of her, he didn’t notice how often she smiled just for him, and he missed the curious staring at him that she tried very hard to hide.

Kaiden didn’t suspect anything as she asked him his opinion about the mission and agreed with what he said. He felt so comfortable with her that he told her all about his past – how he became a military biotic, his time on Jump Zero, the girl he’d loved while he was there. He apologized for talking too much, and she shook her head.

“I just wanted to get to know you a little better, that’s all,” she said with a smile unlike any he’d seen on her face before. “Thanks for the talk, Kaiden.”

He couldn’t help but smile back. “Well, you’re welcome,” he replied, then hurriedly added, “Ma’am.” A thought occurred to him, and, instead of not acting like he usually did, he spoke his mind. “You make a habit of getting this personal with everyone?”

“No,” she said plainly, shaking her head slightly. A lock of her blonde hair came out from behind her ear, and, suddenly daring, he moved one step closer to her then reached up to gently tuck it back in place. Her smile practically made his heart stop beating. “No, I don’t. We’ll talk again later.”

He blinked and could barely form thoughts. “I’ll, uh – I’ll need some time to process that, Commander,” he replied, stunned. “But yeah,” he smiled back, “I’d like that.”

“I’m glad,” she told him honestly. “See you soon then, I guess.” She turned and walked back towards the ramp leading upstairs, but not before looking back over her shoulder to give him that dazzling smile again.

That he noticed.